NAME IT
Quietly label it: “That’s an intrusive thought.” Not “I’m thinking about…” Just the label.
WOMEN’S SPECIALIST PSYCHOTHERAPIST Private Online Therapy · Worldwide · Brisbane-Based Client resources. Thoughts you didn’t ask for? They’re not who you are.
A frightening image out of nowhere. A “what if I…” that makes your stomach drop. Here’s what intrusive thoughts are, why they start, and how to handle them in the meantime, until you get the right help.
SAVE AS PDF / PRINT ▸
FIRST, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
Intrusive thoughts are alarms, not intentions.
An intrusive thought is an unwanted thought, image or urge that arrives on its own. It’s often vivid, often the exact opposite of what you’d ever want, and it leaves a wake of dread behind it.
Almost everyone has them. They don’t mean you’re secretly dangerous, unstable or a bad person. They frighten you precisely because they go against everything you care about.
Having the thought isn’t the problem. What makes them a problem is when they stick.
WHAT THEY CAN LOOK LIKE
Recognise any of these?
- Worst-case flashesA sudden picture of something going terribly wrong, to you or to someone you love.
- “What if I…”Thoughts about doing or saying something you’d never do, that scare you because you wouldn’t.
- Doubt that won’t settleDid I lock it? Did I say that? Did I hurt someone’s feelings? Checking, and checking again.
- Replaying the pastA memory or moment that keeps forcing its way back in, uninvited.
- Thoughts about the thoughts“Why would I think that? What does it say about me?”
- Exhaustion from fighting themPushing them away takes energy, and they come back harder.
WHY THEY START
Your mind is trying to protect what matters to you.
When your nervous system is on alert, your mind starts scanning for possible dangers so you can prepare for them. It throws up worst cases, and because they’re frightening, it flags them as important and files them to come back.
That’s why intrusive thoughts cluster around the things you care about most: your children, your partner, your safety, your health, your sense of being a good person. A diligent guard guards what matters.
They often start, or get louder, when your system is already stretched: a stressful stretch at work, exhaustion, a new baby, a loss, a health scare, or something frightening that happened and hasn’t been fully processed. They’re a sign of a nervous system under strain, not a window into your character.
WHY THEY STICK
The harder you push, the louder they get.
It makes complete sense to want a horrible thought gone. So you argue with it, reassure yourself, check, avoid, or try to replace it with a “good” thought.
The catch is that every one of those is attention, and attention is exactly what tells your alarm the thought matters. So it sends it back. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because your system is doing its job a little too well.
WHEN ONE ARRIVES
Four steps for the meantime.
The aim isn’t to make the thought disappear. It’s to stop feeding it.
DON’T ARGUE WITH IT
No analysing, debating or reassuring. Let it be there, like background noise you don’t need to answer.
LET IT PASS
Picture it as a car driving past. You don’t have to get in, chase it or wave it off. It passes on its own.
COME BACK
Gently return to what you were doing: the task, the conversation, your feet on the floor. Expect it to come back, and repeat.
WHAT FEEDS THEM
Gently drop the habits that keep them going.
- CheckingGoing back to the stove, the lock or the baby, or replaying it over and over in your head. Each check brings relief for a moment, then the doubt returns stronger.
- Seeking reassuranceAsking others (or Google) to tell you it’s okay. Notice the urge, and let it go unanswered for a little longer each time.
- AvoidingStaying away from knives, people or places because of a thought. Avoidance tells your alarm the danger was real.
You don’t have to stop all of these at once. Pick one, and be kind to yourself when you slip. Every time you let a thought sit there without obeying it, your system learns a little more that it isn’t dangerous.
WHEN TO GET HELP SOONER
Please don’t wait if…
A thought feels like a plan or an urge you might act on, rather than something that horrifies you, or you’re having thoughts of harming yourself. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7), or 000 in an emergency.
The thoughts or the checking take up a big part of your day, or you feel you have to do certain things to make the feeling go away. Book in with your GP, who can talk through what’s happening and your options.
You’re pregnant or have a new baby and the thoughts are about your baby. This is far more common than people talk about, and it doesn’t mean you’d ever hurt them. The PANDA National Helpline is on 1300 726 306, and your GP or midwife can help too.
COPING OR RESOLVING?
You shouldn’t have to keep coping with this.
Coping tools can help you get through a moment. They don’t change why it keeps happening.
My work is different. I don’t teach coping techniques. In session, we work on the patterns driving the symptom – the alarm underneath, and what set it off – with the aim of resolving it, so you’re not left managing it for the rest of your life.
A frightening thought doesn’t make you a frightening person. Your system is guarding what you love. It can learn to stand down.
YOUR NEXT STEP · BRISBANE AND WORLDWIDE
Whenever you’re ready...
Want to talk it through?
If we’re already working together, bring this to our next session, or email me any time between sessions.
If you’re new here, you’re welcome to book a private 15-minute consultation. No pressure and no obligation – just an honest conversation about what’s possible for you.
New to working with me? Start with a private consultation, wherever you are in the world.
BOOK A PRIVATE CONSULTATION RETURNING CLIENTSBy phone or online, from anywhere in the world. No referral or mental health plan required.
35+ five-star Google reviews
